Friday, June 20, 2008

The Philosophical Depths Of President McCain

Stephen Colbert spoke Wednesday about John McCain's habit of referring to Islamic extremism as a "transcendental challenge" or "transcendental threat," suggesting that McCain is using the word "transcendental" as a method for "distinguishing himself from President Bush."

"To prove that he's his own man," Colbert explained, "John McCain has his own word to describe America's ongoing conflicts." Unfortunately, however, "it's not entirely clear what he's trying to say."

"Does he mean transcendent, which according to Webster's means 'exceeding usual limits'?" Colbert wondered. "Because the war has certainly exceeded the time limit."

"Or is he intentionally using the word 'transcendental,' which is defined by Webster's as 'of or relating to experience as determined by the mind's makeup.' In which case he's saying the war on terror is all in our heads."

"John McCain needs to come up with a new word," Colbert suggested. "So Senator, let me help you. From now, keeping our troops in the Middle East isn't just necessary to win the war. It's downright Iraq-rosanct."

"Holding people indefinitely at Guantanamo Bay is Divine Inter-Detention."

"And secretly sending prisoners to other countries where torture is legal is no longer extraordinary rendition, it's called Offshore Drilling."

"I hope those help," Colbert concluded, "because using language to turn failed policies into ideals that transcend debate is the best way to get people to think of you as Transcen-Presidential."

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