Inside The CIA Videotapes

The Top 16 Surprise Revelations
From the CIA Videotape Investigation

They almost all feature a pizza delivery boy, pool technician, or visiting plumber.

All a big misunderstanding that began when they tried to order waterbeds for the prisoners.

Special guest interrogator? A visibly aroused Dick Cheney.

Nine out of ten interrogators agree: Bon Jovi's "Living on a Prayer" is the best tune to waterboard to.

Bush tells interrogators to threaten prisoners with even harsher punishment during his third term.

When they ran out of water, Ann Coulter would spit in the detainee's mouth.

"Waterboarding" pales in comparison to "naked-Chihuahua-butt-boarding."

Republican leaders are outraged by the destruction of the videos -- and scrambling to find alternate entertainment for the convention.

Rumsfeld kept asking to borrow the electric nipple clips, yet had no prisoner to interrogate.

There were 72 women on the tape but they definitely were not the virgin type.

Lots of quick cuts and irritating slanted angles because they hired out-of-work MTV cameramen. On the plus side, "Gitmo Spring Break" looks pretty awesome.

Not a lot of torture on the film, but a disturbingly large amount of footage of Dick Cheney eating live babies.

The "Coming Soon" trailers include Iran and North Korea.

On the tapes the investigators reviewed, Special Agent Hilton sure didn't seem to mind being tortured.

"This Interrogation is brought to you by the letters 'C,' 'I,' and 'A!'"

and the Number 1 Surprise Revelation From the CIA Videotape Investigation...

Condi Rice doesn't look nearly as frumpy when she's in a leather jumpsuit and wielding a whip.

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